If you’re an older adult who’s just ventured into  online dating, the prospect of romantic companionship can be exciting. But when it comes to using dating apps and sites, it’s important to act with caution. Otherwise, you just might get tangled up with the wrong person and find yourself the victim of a sweetheart scam.

What are sweetheart (or romance) scams?  

Sweetheart scammers use fake profiles on dating sites to engage other users, stir up romantic feelings, and ask for money. Sweetheart scams go by other names, too: online dating scams, confidence scams, romance scams, or catfishing. Scammers commonly target older adults, who often have retirement savings and likely live alone. And, adults 60 and older tend to be less informed about online scams in general.

Sweetheart scams rely heavily on smoke and mirrors—which makes the internet ripe for these kinds of crimes. Many scammers find their victims on dating websites and apps like Tinder—but they use other platforms, too. These include messaging apps such as WhatsApp and Google Hangouts, or social media channels like Facebook.

How common are sweetheart scams?  

Unfortunately, very. According to the FBI’s most recent Elder Fraud Report, more than 6,700 people over age 60 lost nearly $367 million to such scams in 2023.¹

Why are online dating scams so common? First, there are so many online dating sites and lots of people use them. Second, the post-pandemic shift to virtual communication and meet-ups gives scammers a ready excuse to avoid in-person dates—which makes it easier to manipulate their victims. And finally, people have become lonelier and more vulnerable since the pandemic. This is particularly true for older adults who were more likely to isolate at home for longer. 

How do sweetheart scams work?  

Online dating scams may seem innocent at first—starting out with a random match on a dating app or an unexpected friend request on Facebook. The man or woman reaching out may seem kind, attentive, and genuinely interested in you. Their profile may be plastered with images of an attractive, well-dressed person.

With sweetheart scammers, things tend to escalate fast. Casual conversation turns personal very quickly, and soon you’re chatting multiple times a day. The person showers you with compliments and in no time, they’re saying "I love you."

The intensity of this relationship may make you feel confused, excited, and euphoric all at once. Eventually, you may think you’re in love with this person. Once they sense you’ve fallen for them, they start to ask you for money for various reasons. You’ve already started to care for this individual; maybe you already consider them your romantic partner. You begin to send them cash and gift cards, completely unaware that this person you trust is not who they say they are.

Signs of a sweetheart scammer

Avoiding online dating scams starts with knowing what to signs to look out for. The person you’re talking to may be a con artist if they:

• “Love bomb” you: Love bombing is a standard among sweetheart scammer tactics. It’s when a person lavishes you with excessive flattery, affection, and even material gifts early in the relationship in an effort to manipulate your emotions.
• Ask you to move to another app or website to speak privately.
• Claim to be a native English speaker, but their spelling, grammar, or accent tell you otherwise.
• Say they live in your home country but they’re traveling for work. For example, they may claim to be, for example, a military servicemember, a traveling physician, or an oil rig worker.
• Have an online profile that doesn’t match up with what they’ve told you, in terms of either photos or biographical details.
• Refuse to chat on video, claiming their phone’s camera doesn’t work or they don’t have a cell phone at all. 
• Give dubious excuses for not being able to meet up in person, such as being in a car accident or a loved one's death.
• Ask you to send them money for a family medical emergency—or store gift cards because they’ve lost their job. They might say they’re going to buy airline tickets to come visit you. Basically, dating scammers will use any “hardship” story that’s already worked to getting you to part with your cash.
• Ask to send you money so they can get their hands on your personal banking information.

How to outsmart a sweetheart scammer

How can you protect yourself from sweetheart scams? You’ve already taken a huge first step simply by educating yourself. Here are more rules to live by when you’re dating after 50:

• If a situation feels fishy, run it by someone you trust to get their honest opinion.
• Be wary of strangers reaching out on social media. Do you have mutual connections? Is their profile full of photos and information, or is it bare?
• Run an internet search on potential dating partners. You’re not being paranoid—you’re being smart. You can do this multiple ways:
  • Type their full name into your web browser's search box plus the word “scam,” plus their stated job, plus their stated location.
  • Type in the word “scam” followed by something they’ve told you about themselves (e.g., “military”) and find articles about common scams. Compare what they’re saying and doing against what you find in those articles.
  • Perform a reverse image search. This can help you confirm whether the person is who they say they are using photos from their online profile.
• Never give out your personal information, such as contact details, until you’ve met a person face to face and feel at ease with them. Scammers rely on getting access to their victims in different ways.
• Do not send intimate photos—especially with your face showing. Sweetheart scammers could use these later to blackmail you (this is sometimes called "sextortion").
• If you like someone, ask for a quick phone or video chat. If they refuse or make up outlandish excuses, that’s a red flag.
• If you’re interested in someone on a dating app, ask to meet up with that person. Always meet in a public place until you’re feeling comfortable. And, as with video chat, any refusal to meet up (especially multiple refusals) is a warning sign you shouldn’t ignore.

What to do if you think you’re the victim of a sweetheart scam

First, there’s no reason to feel ashamed or embarrassed. These criminals are clever, and any of us could fall prey to a sweetheart scam. Here’s what to do if you believe you’ve been conned:

• File a report with the online dating app or social media website where the scammer first contacted you.
• File a report with the Internet Crime Complaint Center (IC3).
• Report the fraud to the FTC.
• Notify your financial institutions that you may have been scammed.
• Change all your passwords immediately. See our guide on how to create strong, crime-resistant passwords.
• Block the scammer immediately on all forms of communication: messaging apps, phone, text, and social media.

While reporting the scam can feel scary, sharing what happened to you can prevent it from happening to someone else.

Source

1. Federal Bureau of Investigation. Internet Crime Report 2023. Found on the internet at https://www.ic3.gov/AnnualReport/Reports/2023_IC3Report.pdf